Time to get some things off my chest.

In the past year, especially, I have really seen an enormous growth in my maturity level. For the first time in my life I am looking at people who are years younger than me (high school kids) and I actually notice a difference in maturity. I'm actually kind of proud of this because I have always acted immature. I'm working hard to shed this facade of silliness or sarcasm that i have worn for years as a safety blanket so that my true self can shine through; to become a person who is not OVERLY silly, but fun to be around... not cynical, but wise... not sarcastic, but loving..

On another note.. there is one person that I was great friends with a year or two ago and now we only talk occasionally. He is getting on my nerves because he is constantly playing these games about liking me, telling me i like him, being rude one minute and saying what a great friend i am the next. Maybe I played into these mind games awhile back but now I'm just no longer interested. If you are my friend, ACT like a friend... otherwise don't bother me. I hate when people say they can't stand a person and then spend all of their extra time trying to make that persons life miserable.. like.. if u don't like someone, dont talk to them?? -_- /sigh.. thats just me i guess.. (and no jonathan i'm not referring to u, no worries.. lol) :)

well i feel better...

night all.. <3

idk what it is lately.. but the last few days i've been really blah and emo.. i have decided it stems from loneliness... not like.. aww i'm all alone wanh.. but.. feeling like i dont fit perfectly with ne one.. idk.. i have a few great friends that keep me laughing and hold me when i'm crying and etc that makes a good friend. buuuut i still feel alone sometimes.. idk if its got something to do with that i dont really ever seem to be with any guy as far as long term commitment stuff goes.. and even the short term stuff seems few and far between.. and never very good for me.. and i really feel (most of the time) that thats ok with me. i dont need some guy.. actually i'm more comfortable without one cuz its what i'm used to.. but its hard at times too.. /sigh..

anyway enough with the emoness.. i just had to share this song cuz it always makes me feel better when i'm like this.. weird but it does..

i REALLY like my writing class so far.. i think i might have found my calling. I mean i blog so much and write in my journals - i would love at some point to be a columnist or screenwriter or something. Still, its just the first couple of weeks so i dont want to get my hopes too high. Especially since being in gifted english classes in high school deprived me of the grammar instruction most students receive. 

My other classes are ok but nothing too especially interesting to say bout them... I'm actually pretty frustrated about it all because my mom just informed me that i have to pick a major by  may or i have to drop out and get a full time job until i know what i wanna do because we cant afford to keep in college as undeclared.. its SO frustrating, i mean its not like i'm not TRYING to figure it out. I asked her what kind of place is gonna hire me full time with no education? and she says wal-mart, crackerbarrel, etc. i was like O_O srsly? w/e. but i cant blame her. shes doing her best. ugh.. anyway...

I plan on starting to go to the Payne Center on campus and work out more often.. I need to lose some weight before summer gets here since i have a wedding to go to in chicago in september for my cousin becky and her fiance ryan. I'm really happy for them cuz i just KNOW it'll work out. Plus i love the fact that becky proposed to him.. lol thats my girl.. Plus ryans a great guy and they're super cute together. I hope i'm blessed enough to have a marriage like that one day.

I've dyed pieces of my hair back purple. Dont freak out, its not CRAZY bright purple. Its actually pretty dark, u cant see it hardly in dim lighting but in sunlight its totally noticeable w/o being obnoxious or stupid/emo.

I hope to be redoing my room soon.. nothing huge but just painting the walls and refinishing my vanity, getting my aquarium up and running, etc. It'll feel really good to have a more adult atmosphere in here.. :)

anyway, thats pretty much it for the moment.. i'll keep ya updated.. :)

-veronica